You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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