no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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