Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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