Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
