Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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