Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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