Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
