U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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