Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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