So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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