my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
