After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
