just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
