Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
