I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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