well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
