I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
