benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
