Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
