we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I could make wine with my vomit
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
