South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
