We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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