we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
