we have officially lost it.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
