WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
