C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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