I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
