Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
