you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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