Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There r osticjed everywhere
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
