She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
