he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
