Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have feelings that need drinking.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
