Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
