I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
