Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
