I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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