I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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