Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
