I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
