I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
