He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You need Xanax blowdarts
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
