Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
