OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
