The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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