i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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