I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
