Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
