just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
