If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
