I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
