Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
