He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
