you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
