Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
