3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
