about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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