he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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