and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
